Our Đám Hỏi 💍

In exciting personal news, last summer (and exactly one year ago!) P and I got engaged. Since then, it's been a whirlwind of warm fuzzies and love from family, friends, and each other. With the two of us being the first in our respective immediate families to reach this milestone, we wanted to celebrate with all of our nearest and dearest in a big, fun way. So, we decided to have a traditional Vietnamese engagement ceremony (đám hỏi) as our official first outing as fiancées. 

P and I have always been immensely proud of our cultural heritage and have always sought ways to celebrate this part of us that has obviously shaped us into who we are today. More importantly, we wanted to honor our grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and the culture that they grew up with and had to leave behind and rebuild after 1975. That being said, and once we settled on a date, we got to planning. 

The first thing we did was research what throwing this sort of party entailed. Luckily, there were some really helpful blogs from other traditional-modern Vietnamese couples and Vietnamese wedding planners, so familiarizing ourselves with what we needed to do was quite the breeze. Not to mention, we flew back and forth from New York to California a couple of times during this planning period, so we could always check in to see what needed to be done in terms of planning (done by our friend Samantha Lu of Signature Events by Christina Romero), food (catered by Quán Huế), decor/flowers (Mfloral Floral Design), cake (baked by our friends over at Belle Flour Cakes), and everything in between. 

All of that being said, the most important thing for me to have for the engagement party was to have an áo dài, a Vietnamese traditional dress. I've always been mesmerized and enamored with áo dài, which literally translates to "long shirt." The actual dress is a little more chic than an oversized t-shirt, but conceptually, the translation is quite true – especially when factoring in the fact that the dress has to be worn with pants (unless flashing people is your thing? No judgement here — I'm not one to kink shame!). 

I have to admit that when my mom and I first started áo dài shopping we made a disastrous mistake of going to and trusting L'amour Fashion in San Jose for our dress making needs. Do not go here. I repeat: DO. NOT. GO. HERE. I'll let the Yelp reviews speak for themselves, but essentially, my mom and I were scammed by the women who work here and ended up with some very, very ugly dresses.

P and me, happy as can be. All photos by Tran Thi Thanh Loan 

I won't go into detail about the whole ordeal, but we eventually ended up at the store of Chau Nguyen, a one-man show who works out of a small store in Grand Century Mall in San Jose. Entering the store, I was a little wary given my previous experience, but all of my apprehension was for nothing as Chau's work and designs were a cut above the rest. Because Chau designs, sews, beads, and tailors each áo dài by hand and by himself, it takes him a bit more time to produce a dress, but in the end it was so, so worth it. The design, the beading, the fit, the color...it was everything I imagined it to be and more. I really could not wait to wear it at my đám hỏi.

P's side of the family + some of his groomsmen carrying mâm quả.

The passing of the mâm quả to my bridesmaids. 

Setting up the mâm quả before P and I served tea to our families to conclude the ceremony.

After all of that, the day of the party arrived. We started the ceremony with P's side of his family and his groomsmen carrying in mâm quả, trays bearing gifts for the bride's side. Usually, these trays are filled with fruit (specifically areca fruit, which are a symbol of marriage in Viet culture), sticky rice, betel leaves (another symbol of marriage in Viet culture), tea, roasted pig, an assortment of candy, and liquor (!!!). From there, the groom's side presented these gifts to my side of the family as an offering for the bride. At this point, my great aunt gave a very touching speech about the length of P's and my relationship (8 years at the time!), and how P became an irreplaceable part of my family following the deaths of my uncle and grandfather in 2010, and six years later, the passing of my grandmother. It was an incredibly emotional moment for me, and I had to resist crying unless I wanted to ruin my makeup and have my eyelashes fall off...which was not a look I was going for, so I bit my tongue and blinked furiously to keep the tears at bay. 

After fighting the urge to Kim Kardashian ugly cry, the mâm quả were handed to my bridesmaids to symbolize my family's acceptance of the groom and his proposal. Our families promptly set the table up for the tea ceremony, where P and I served tea to our parents and familial elders. This portion of the party was very important to me, as is was an opportunity for us to thank our families for their love, support, and the sacrifices they made when coming to the U.S. and raising and shaping us into the people we are today. Following the tea servin' and sippin', it was time to party! Sidenote: partying for Vietnamese people means stuffing ourselves and our guests with food like bánh bột lọc (shrimp and pork stuffed tapioca dumplings), noodles, and eggrolls, and copious amounts of Hennessy. 

Needless to say, P and I had a wonderful time celebrating our engagement with our family and friends. We really wanted to show all of our guests some love, as we wouldn't be where we are, or who we are, without them in our lives.

Here's to hoping the big day next year will be just as amazing! I'll be routinely sharing wedding-related posts here as we get closer and closer to #camiliptiestheknot in Hội An (yes, a destination wedding in my favorite city in Vietnam!). If you're interested, follow along as this bride-to-be inches her way across the world and down the aisle here. 

My beautiful áo dài, designed, sewn, and hand-beaded by Chau Nguyen. 

Our beautiful dessert spread featuring a cake made by Belle Flour Cakes.

Traditionally, the groom's mother will present the bride-to-be with a piece of jewelry. My future MIL presented me with a lovely necklace.

Presenting...the future Nguyen-Tran clan!